It is happening again. It's like I'm stuck in a loop I'll never get out of, no matter how hard I try. But, at least for now, I know it is an illusion — I'm worshipping a golden calf. It's just that I'm tired and I wanna go Home.

Knowing its true nature is not solving the problem, knowing illusions are bound to manifest themselves is no immunity, knowing you mustn't fall for it doesn't mean you won't. And, most importantly, knowing that it is possible to live without it doesn't mean you ever will.

It's both a blessing and a curse in the end. It's not going to go away — it will keep on growing and repeating itself, it will keep on expanding and creating new illusions, and at the end of the day all I have to do is get through it.

I just wish I didn't. Why do I have to get through it? Why can't I just go Home? Can someone please just help me make it Home?

God,
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.