January 2024

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On 2023, before it is too late

January 16th, 2024

Sometimes I feel like we say we've learned a lot during the year so we can sleep in peace during the night. Well, not me, 'cause I rarely sleep during the night, let alone peacefully. Anyway, I feel like I've learned a lot during 2023.

When I was an avid blogger, I used to look back on the year every December and write about it. In recent years, this has become more difficult. I hadn't written in a while, and I spent most of 2023 without writing. This certainly has its toll when looking back, because on top of everything else, my memory is unreliable. I remember little about the facts but a lot about the feelings.

But that's exactly why 2023 was a learning opportunity. I have learnd one of the biggest lessons I could ever learn: allowing myself to make mistakes. Maybe I allowed myself to make a little too many mistakes, considering traumatic events involving the nightlife and its dangers, but there were times when allowing myself to make mistakes was what saved my life.

I allowed myself to meet new people, even though I haven't had the patience to create new connections for years. And it's a good thing that I did that, because it made me open my eyes to the relationships that existed in my life until then and how some of them no longer served me. My lack of interest in new connections wasn't because I was really tired of meeting people, but because relating to people who bring you down all the time eventually makes you believe that there isn't anything better out there. What I'm getting at is that I finally made new healthy friendships, yay!

I also allowed myself to face one of my biggest fears for years: a musical instrument. It's a fact that I've wanted to learn to play an instrument since I was a child, but I've always had difficulty dealing with frustration when I made mistakes. After a lot of studies, therapy and recognition of the source of this difficulty, I finally had the courage to take that first step and decided to learn to play the ukulele.

I didn't choose this instrument for any particular reason. It's not like it's an instrument that's always interested me or anything like that. I always thought its sound was cute, but it wasn't a big deal in my life. However, I thought I would like an instrument that would serve as a foundation to accompany my voice, and in that sense the ukulele plays a great role. I borrowed a ukulele from a friend, looked for some tutorials on YouTube and in about a week I was playing Mirrorball by Taylor Swift.

I decided to challenge myself to learn all the songs from folklore, which is my favorite album by the blondie. So far I haven't managed to learn them all, but I already know how to play several. My biggest difficulty is, as expected, the rhythm of the right hand, which is the hand that hits the strings to produce the sound. Playing the chords on the ukulele is especially easy, although I still have some difficulty with some (yes, E major, I'm talking about you), and I've also discovered which key suits my voice best, so now when I have difficulty with sing a song, I can adjust the tab to fit it better (apart from Cruel Summer, this one is impossible to sing in any key, congratulations Taylor Swift).

Finally, at a snail's pace, I have been developing my spirituality better, taking great care not to end up in the famous dilemma "am I evolving spiritually or am I having a manic episode?". It's been easier than I thought, to be honest. Maybe having a skeptical boyfriend is something that helps me stay more grounded. Or maybe I'm just not having manic episodes anymore. Who knows.

For 2024, I hope that my achievements will be more in the professional field. I'm pretty happy with the rest of my life (disregarding my mental health, which is always in shambles), but I'm still sad about the fact that my biggest source of income isn't psychology. I know that no one graduates with a full schedule and it can take a while to achieve financial stability, but, after 2 years of graduation, I hope that at least I can say that most of my work is as a psychologist and not as my other professions (writer and oracle reader) (before anyone asks if it's unethical, I'm a oracle reader for friends and acquaintances, I don't help anyone with psychology and oracles simultaneously, so it's not unethical).

Oh, I also want to start exercising. It's not even about looking hot, it's more about mental health. Who knew that moving is good? Hah!